Texting Through Life
by Leia Emberblaze
Summary: A collection of one shot text sessions with the characters from Wicked...just for kicks...it will get really funny, I promise...so far this fic has been critically acclaimed by all reviewers for its humor and now it's back from the dead...
1. R U Avoiding Me?

**I have two other stories going right now so I don't know why I'm doing this…probably because I'm a dork…anyway these will all be random one shots occurring at random times throughout Wicked (musicalverse only)…please read/review and give me ideas…**

**IMPORTANT: this chapter occurs at Shiz after 'Popular' and before 'I'm Not That Girl'**

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Popular has logged on*

Popular: elphie guess wat?

Defying Gravity: wat?

Popular: fiyero and I just made out

Defying Gravity: I thought u said u guys were studying!

Popular: we were studying…chemistry

Defying Gravity: haha very funny…ur gonna fail the life science test…

Popular: don't be such a downer…

Defying Gravity: don't be such an optimist…

*Hot Prince has logged on*

Defying Gravity: (sarcastically) nice username

Hot Prince: thanks

Defying Gravity: didn't u notice the '(sarcastically)'?

Popular: hey fifi!

Defying Gravity: really galinda? fifi?

Popular: I think it's a nice nickname…

Defying Gravity: lol

Hot Prince: what were u guys talkin about b4 I got on?

Popular: …

Defying Gravity: galinda was telling me all about ur _interesting_ study session

Popular: elphie!

Hot Prince: u told her?

Popular: maybe…

Defying Gravity: relax fiyero…it's not like im gonna tell anyone

Hot Prince: fine…

*Hot Prince has logged out*

Popular: I can't believe u told him that I told u!

Defying Gravity: I didn't know it was a secret!

Popular: well u should've known…

Defying Gravity: I've got a question 4 u…

Popular: wat?

Defying Gravity: wat else were u and fiyero studying?

Popular: ewww..elphie stop being such a perv…

Defying Gravity: lol I didn't mean it that way…now who's the perv…

Popular: elphaba thropp don't lie…u did mean it that way..

Defying Gravity: no I seriously didn't…

*I'm Not Short has logged on*

I'm Not Short: Hello Miss Galinda…

Popular: hi boq…

*Popular has logged off*

I'm Not Short: That was fast.

Defying Gravity: I'm sure she had 2 go 2 the bathroom or somethin…

I'm Not Short: Sometimes I think she's avoiding me.

Defying Gravity: im sure ur just imagining things…

I'm Not Short: I guess so.

Defying Gravity: how come ur using correct punctuation n stuff?

I'm Not Short: Why aren't _you_ using correct punctuation?

Defying Gravity: galinda told me that only dorks use correct punctuation when they r IMing…

I'm Not Short: So you're saying I'm a dork?

Defying Gravity: maybe…

*Jeweled Shoes has logged on*

Jeweled Shoes: hi boq!

I'm Not Short: Hey Nessa.

*I'm Not Short has logged off*

Jeweled Shoes: sometimes I think he's avoiding me…

Defying Gravity: sigh…


	2. What's in a Name?

**Wow I got 3 reviews the first day this was up. Cool…please keep reading and reviewing…**

**Once again this takes place at Shiz…**

*Popular has logged on*

*Hot Prince has logged on*

*Artichoke has logged on*

Artichoke: ok who changed my username?

Artichoke: galinda I know it was u

Popular: why do u assume that?

Artichoke: don't u remember that day in dillamond's class?

Popular: …

Artichoke: "the artichoke is steamed"?

Hot Prince: galinda said that? Lol

Artichoke: can it fiyero

Popular: I said that back when we were enemies…I wouldn't change ur username…

Artichoke: fiyero?

Hot Prince: don't look at me. do u really think im smart enuff to hack into ur computer?

Artichoke: good point…neither of u r smart enuff to do that…

Popular: see it wasn't me!

Artichoke: no im pretty sure it was u…

Popular: ????

Artichoke: a certain munchkin would be more than happy to help u hack into my account…

*Popular has logged out*

Hot Prince: galinda better watch out 4 u

*I'm Not Short has logged on*

I'm Not Short: Hey guys!

Artichoke: boq did u help galinda hack into my account?

*I'm Not Short has logged out*

Artichoke: u guys had all better watch out!

Hot Prince: hey I didn't do anything!

Artichoke: ur a suspect…

Hot Prince: why?

Artichoke: cuz I said so!

***

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Dumb Blonde has logged on*

*Dorky Munchkin has logged on*

*Shallow Prince has logged on*

Dumb Blonde: ELPHIE!

Defying Gravity: revenge is sweet…

Dorky Munchkin: This is really petty and immature.

Shallow Prince: why was I a victim? what did I do?

Defying Gravity: ur username was irritating me…

*Jeweled Shows has logged on*

Jeweled Shoes: why do u guys have weird usernames?

Dumb Blonde: elphaba changed them…

Jeweled Shoes: "Dorky Munchkin"? elphaba that's horrendible!

Dumb Blonde: what about my name? isn't it horrendible too?

Shallow Prince: yeah and wat about me?

Jeweled Shoes: actually urs r pretty spot on…

Dorky Munchkin: "Dumb Blonde" isn't very nice…

Shallow Prince: doesn't anyone care about me?

Defying Gravity: no

*Horrible Morrible has logged on*

Horrible Morrible: WHO CHANGED MY USERNAME???

*Defying Gravity has logged out*

*Shallow Prince has logged out*

*Popular has logged out*

*Dorky Munchkin has logged out*

*Jeweled Shoes has logged out*

**I typed this one up really fast…I'm kinda running out of ideas…if anyone has an interesting topic that u think would make a good IM conversation plz share…**

**1, 2, 3, 4 You know what that button's for! REVIEW!**


	3. Loathing and Ranting

**The idea for this installment came from singstar15…thanks for the idea! To all of you who sent in ideas thanks…I will probably use most of them (though it may take me awhile to get to all of them)!**

**And yes I know ShenShen and Pfannee (I'm not sure if that's how u spell their names..I haven't actually read the book) weren't in the musical but Galinda was always hanging around with two nameless popular girls so they might as well be Pfannee and ShenShen**

**Shameless Plug about my other stories: if any of my readers are fans of the Twilight Saga (I know Twilighters are dwindling these days) then I invite you to check out my Twilight-Wicked crossover..it's called "The Emerald Apple" and I promise it's more Wicked than Twilight. It's really, really good but no one ever visits that section of the site so I only have one reader…please please please check it out! (and don't boycott this story just because I kinda like Twilight)**

**IMPORTANT: This scene occurs during the period of 'loathing' between Elphaba and Galinda…**

*Popular has logged on*

*Hot Chick has logged on*

Popular: shenshen i hate that green girl! all this scowling at her is gonna give me frown lines!

Hot Chick: frown lines? EEEK!

Popular: I know…it's all her fault

Hot Chick: you should stab her in her sleep…after all she invaded your suite!

Popular: I know…that was so rude of her!

*Hotter Chick has logged on*

Popular: hey Pfannee!

Hotter Chick: hi…what r u guys talking about?

Hot Chick: we were just saying how horrendible it is that the green bean invaded galinda's suite!

Hotter Chick: well u did kinda volunteer…

Popular: it was an accident…and it should be a crime to make anyone room with an artichoke!

Hot Chick: lol…good one…artichoke…lol

Popular: ugh…her skin wouldn't be so bad if she could wear some decent clothes…I swear im gonna go blind from seeing all those hideodious outfits!

Hot Chick: I feel ur pain…

Hotter Chick: u should totally burn her wardrobe…

Popular:??? that would get me suspended….

Hot Chick: I bet u could bribe ur way out of trouble…

Hotter Chick: no she couldn't…horrible morrible's in love with the vegetable…just because she can move a wheelchair around with magic…it's distugifying!

Popular: plus Popsicle would be so disappointed if I used my money for something like that…

Hot Chick: galinda caring what parents think is so out of style…why does it matter?

Hotter Chick: it matters becuz if her parents get mad then no more $$$ and no more shopping…

Hot Chick: I guess that makes sense…

Hotter Chick: hey galinda r u coming to that party 2nite?

Popular: um…no

Hot Chick: why not? there'll be dancing, and drinking and _guys_…

Popular: I've got to…um…do some homework…

Hotter Chick: why do u even bother…can't u just pay someone 2 do it 4 u?

Hot Chick: I bet u wouldn't even have to pay that munchkin guy…Barq was it?

Popular: I think it's biq…

Hotter Chick: does it even matter?…get him 2 do ur work and come with us…

Popular: I've got a test to study for too…

Hot Chick: come on galinda!

Hotter Chick: don't bother shenshen…galinda's just too good to stay out partying…

*Hotter Chick has logged out*

Popular: she's moody…

Hot Chick: yeah…let's think of more ways to torment the asparagus!

Popular: how about I put her in a bright pink dress and paint on her face while she's asleep and then I take a picture and hang it all around school?

Hot Chick: r u brave enough 2 do that…sometimes she scares me…what if she woke up?

Popular: good point…

***

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Jeweled Shoes had logged on*

Defying Gravity: I hate galinda so much!

Jeweled Shoes: why?

Defying Gravity: becuz she's a spoiled blonde brat…

Jeweled Shoes: she's sharing her suite with u…maybe u should be nicer…

Defying Gravity: that was an accident…I heard her telling her friends about it…

Jeweled Shoes: r u sure u aren't jealous of her?

Defying Gravity: WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF THAT EMPTY HEADED BLONDE?!

Jeweled Shoes: well she's pretty and rich and all the boys follow her around like dogs…

Defying Gravity: I don't care about any of those things..r u sure ur not jealous?

Jeweled Shoes: why would I be jealous?

Defying Gravity: becuz one of those slobbering dogs following her around is boq…

Jeweled Shoes: wat makes u think I like boq?

Defying Gravity: im not blind Nessa…I see u staring at him

*Jeweled Shoes had logged out*

*I'm Not Short has logged on*

I'm Not Short: Hey Elphaba, what are you talking about?

Defying Gravity: i was telling Nessa about how horrible galinda is…

I'm Not Short: Miss Galinda is not horrible!

Defying Gravity: ur supposed 2 listen 2 me rant about her!

I'm Not Short: I will not sit here and listen to such a lovely girl as Miss Galinda be insulted.

Defying Gravity: GO AWAY BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A FRIGGIN FROG!!!

*I'm Not Short has logged out*


	4. What Should We Do On Our One Short Day?

**This chapter was inspired by ElphabaROCKS (if your review had been signed I would have sent you a message thanking you for your awesome idea!). Thanks for all the great ideas…don't stop sending them in!**

**If any of my readers from this story visited 'The Emerald Apple' (my other fanfic) thanks so much! For those who didn't it's in the Twilight/Wicked crossover section (wink wink nudge nudge)**

**IMPORTANT: This takes place when Elphaba and Glinda are in the Emerald City during 'One Short Day'(they're on their mobile phones or something…)**

*Popular has logged on*

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Popular: can u believe we're in the emerald city?

Defying Gravity: galinda this is so stupid… why r we IMing when we're right nxt to each other?

Popular: remember elphie, the ga is silent…

Defying Gravity: galinda just change ur name back and stop being so dramatic…

Popular: IT'S GLINDA!

Defying Gravity: fine…

*Dancing Through Life has logged on*

Dancing Through Life: hey elphaba!

Defying Gravity: why'd u change ur username?

Dancing Through Life: u said the other one was irritating u..

Defying Gravity: since when do u care about what i think?

Popular: hey fifi!

Dancing Through Life: oh..hey galinda…

Popular: THE GA IS SILENT! IT'S GLINDA!

Dancing Through Life: sorry…i 4got…

Defying Gravity: don't strain that tiny brain of urs trying to remember her name…

Dancing Through Life: where r u guys?

Popular: in the emerald city!

Dancing Through Life: cool…what's it like?

Popular: it's very…emeraldish…

Defying Gravity: that's not a word…

Dancing Through Life: elphaba u must love it there…with all the green…

Defying Gravity: what's that supposed to mean?

Dancing Through Life: nothing…i was just saying that u must not look so weird in a city that's completely green…

Dancing Through Life: that came out wrong…

Defying Gravity: hey glinda…u know how fiyero's brain cells die?

Popular: how?

Defying Gravity: alone…lol

Popular: elphie that's not nice!

Dancing Through Life: it's ok..i deserved it..

*Dancing Through Life has logged out*

Popular: see what I mean…he's being moodified again…

Defying Gravity: well at least u don't have to worry about him thinking anymore…he's just as much of an idiot as he always has been…

Popular: why do u hate him?

Defying Gravity: I don't hate him…

Popular: look…a dress salon! let's go shopping!

Defying Gravity: ugh…no thanks…

Popular: why not? wouldn't u love to try on clothes from the emerald city?

Defying Gravity: let me think about that…no!

Popular: ur spoiling my fun…

Defying Gravity: hey…ur only here becuz of me…don't complain…

Popular: well what do u want to do?

Defying Gravity: I want to check out the libraries and museums…

Popular: snore…let's do something exciting!

Defying Gravity: like what? (and if u say shopping I will murder u)…

Popular: we could get our hair done…

Defying Gravity: NO!

Popular: get out nails painted?

Defying Gravity: no…

Popular: get massages?

Defying Gravity: NO NO NO NO NO!

Popular: i know…we could get a map of where all the important ppl in the Emerald City live and then play ding dong ditch…

Defying Gravity: that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard…

Popular: hey look…that guy on a scooter just gave me tickets to Wizamania!

Defying Gravity: what the heck is wizamania?

Popular: I have no clue but it's starting soon…let's go…

Defying Gravity: fine…but if this is a waste of time im holding u personally responsible!

***

Defying Gravity: that was a total waste of time…

Popular: no it wasn't…didn't u like those dancing mascot things with the rolling heads?

Defying Gravity: that was just weird and creepy…

Popular: I thought it was cool…

Popular: of course u did…

*Jeweled Shoes has logged on*

Jeweled Shoes: can u guys help me? boq and I r having relationship issues…

*Popular has logged off*

Defying Gravity: ooh look the Wizard's calling us…gotta go…

*Defying Gravity has logged off*

**Reviews make great Christmas presents! Keep the ideas coming! **


	5. Catfight

**Sorry it took me awhile to update. This one was inspired by Random person 11's idea (thanks!). See, if you give me ideas I really will use them!**

**Another plug for 'The Emerald Apple' in the Wicked/ Twilight section…more people are reading now but I'm not gonna stop advertising!**

**IMPORTANT: this scene occurs at Shiz…**

*Jeweled Shoes has logged on*

*Hot Prince has logged on*

*Poplar has logged on*

*I'm Not Short has logged on*

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Hot Prince: did u guys hear the news?

Popular: no…wat news?

Defying Gravity: there's a juicy new piece of gossip and galinda doesn't know about it? *gasp*

Popular: very funny elphie…

Hot Prince: somebody carved 'boq + galinda' on the wall in the guys bathroom…

I'm Not Short: WHAT?!

Jeweled Shoes: WAT?

Hot Prince: u heard me…

Jeweled Shoes: who would do something like that? everyone knows boq doesn't like galinda...right boq?

*I'm Not Short has logged out*

Jeweled Shoes: that was weird…

Defying Gravity: maybe his computer broke…

Popular: nessa I think u should go talk 2 biq…

Jeweled Shoes: ok…and his name is boq…

*Jeweled Shoes has logged out*

Defying Gravity: why'd u tell her 2 do that?

Popular: u can't protect Nessa from the world…sooner or later she's gonna have to deal with her own problems…

Defying Gravity: well I think she can face the world later rather than sooner!

Hot Prince: does someone want to tell me wat's going on?

Defying Gravity: no…

Popular: boq's had a crush on me 4 ages…

Hot Prince: really?

Popular: fiyero r u blind?

Defying Gravity: no…just really really stupid…

*Jeweled Shoes had logged on*

Jeweled Shoes: galinda how long have u been plotting to steal boq from me?!

Popular: I haven't been plotting at all I swear!

Defying Gravity: galinda doesn't have the mental capacity to plot…

Jeweled Shoes: don't lie to me!

Defying Gravity: Nessa she's telling the truth…

Jeweled Shoes: u stay out of this…

Hot Prince: uh oh..catfight!

Jeweled Shoes: we r not cat fighting we r talking our problems out…

Jeweled Shoes: WHY DID U STEAL BOQ FROM ME!!!

Hot Prince: im outta here…

*Hot Prince has logged out*

Popular: Nessa I swear I wasn't trying to steal boq…I have fiyero…

Jeweled Prince: clearly that was just a ploy to make boq jealous!

Popular: NO IT WASN'T!!!

Jeweled Shoes: Can it blondie!

Popular: wat did u call me?

Jeweled Shoes: hey elphaba how do u drown a blonde?

Defying Gravity: Nessa ur being really immature about this…

Jeweled Shoes: stick a mirror on the bottom of a pool…

Popular: I don't get it…

Jeweled Shoes: that's cuz ur a stupid blonde!

Popular: where ur a bitter snob nosed girl that no one cares about!

Defying Gravity: galinda!

Jeweled Shoes: well ur a ****** ***** and ur mom was a **** ****!

Defying Gravity: watch ur language!

*Jeweled Shoes has sent a virtual slap to Popular*

*Popular has sent a virtual kick to Jeweled Shoes*

Defying Gravity: enuff with the mudslinging!

*Jeweled Shoes has thrown a virtual tomato at Popular*

*Popular has thrown a virtual grenade at Jeweled Shoes*

*Defying Gravity has sent virtual flying monkeys to capture Jeweled Shoes and Popular*

*The Amazingly Awesome Headmistress has logged on*

The Amazingly Awesome Headmistress: what's going on?

Jeweled Shoes: nothing madame Morrible

Popular: yeah nothing at all…

Defying Gravity: we were just trading study tips…

The Amazingly Awesome Headmistress: good…I was just getting on this IMing thing to see if any of u knew anything about the vandal who defaced the boy's bathroom…

Defying Gravity: I don't know…

Jeweled Shoes: me neither…

Popular: not a clue…

The Amazingly Awesome Headmistress: good…

*The Amazingly Awesome Headmistress has logged out*

*Jeweled Shoes has thrown a virtual chainsaw at Popular*

*Popular has dropped a virtual house on Jeweled Shoes*

Defying Gravity: call me when u 2 r finished acting like 2 year olds…

*Defying Gravity has logged out*

**I know u can't really chuck virtual objects at each other when ur IMing but maybe u can in Oz…if u give me ideas I will use them…Reviews make great early Christmas presents…**


	6. Our Cloud

**I'M BACK! FINALS ARE OVER (and I did reasonably well with the exception of the bane of my existence aka math)! I'm so glad to be writing again. Hopefully I didn't lose my humorous touch over my absence (but of course you reviewers would tell me if that were the case…right?). **

**IMPORTANT: This takes place at Shiz between 'Dancing Through Life' and 'I'm Not That Girl' when Fiyero and Galinda are in their early dating, overly soppy, disgusting to be around phase (I've witnessed couples going through this phase all too often)**

*Popular has logged on*

*Hot Prince has logged on*

Hot Prince: hey galinda u wanna go out tonight?

Popular: of course fifi…i always want to go out with you

*Popular has virtually tossed her hair*

Hot Prince: you're too cute…

Popular: no you're too cute!

Hot Prince: what r u doing?

Popular: thinking about you….

Hot Prince: me too…

Popular: ur thinking about urself?

Hot Prince: no I mean im thinking about u…

Popular: oh that's so sweet…

Hot Prince: so where should we go tonight?

Hot Prince: galinda u there?

Popular: sorry but galinda is temporarily unavailable for conversation

Hot Prince: who's this?

Popular: a certain green roommate of your girlfriend who was very angry to have her group study session interrupted by texting!

Hot Prince: aww elphaba don't be a spoil sport…

Popular: u and galinda spend almost every waking moment together…I think u can handle an hour or two apart!

Hot Prince: what's there to study 4?

Popular: u seriously don't know…

Hot Prince: no…

Popular: FINALS!!!

Hot Prince: oh…when r those…

Popular: well I have a life science final 2morrow…

Hot Prince: me too…oh crap…

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Defying Gravity: now who's wasting their time chatting?

Popular: Galinda get off my account!

Defying Gravity: not until u get off mine!

Popular: stop being so juvenile!

Defying Gravity: let me chat with fifi!

Popular: no…u need 2 study!

Defying Gravity: if u don't let me chat with fifi I will use ur account to send an inappropriate sexual message to dr. dillamond…

Popular: ok fine u can have ur stupid account back!

*Defying Gravity has logged out*

Popular: im back fifi!

Hot Prince: I missed u…

Popular: I missed u too…

Hot Prince: look out the window…do u see a cloud?

Popular: yeah…why?

Hot Prince: we're both seeing it…it can be our cloud!

Popular: aww..that's so sweet…

Hot Prince: not as sweet as you…

Popular: our cloud is floating away…how sad…

**Sorry this chapter was so short but the next one will probably be up tomorrow. I hope all of my readers who had finals this week (or last week) did well. Hopefully u didn't all get bored and leave me…please review!**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


	7. Caffinated Madness

**NOTE: I replaced the 'Author's Note' chapter with a new chapter called 'Our Cloud' but since I just replaced the chapter the site didn't recognize it as an update so it didn't notify anyone or anything. So the bottom line is ****IF YOU HAVEN'T READ 'OUR CLOUD' (CHAPTER 6) YET PLEASE GO BACK AND READ IT BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER!!!**

**IMPORTANT: this chapter takes place at Shiz between 'Dancing Through Life' and 'I'm Not That Girl'**

*Popular has logged on*

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Popular: hey elphie!

Defying Gravity: galinda why in Oz's name r u txting me in the middle of the night when ur bed is less than 2 feet from mine?

Popular: cuz im bored…

Defying Gravity: why couldn't u just talk to me?

Popular: cuz im too lazy to sit up…

Defying Gravity: has anyone ever told u that u need serious help?

Popular: u did..just now…

Defying Gravity: what time is it…one in the morning?

Popular: two in the morning actually…

Defying Galinda: why galinda why?

Popular: sorry but when I get bored like this I just can't help myself…what do u want to do?

Defying Gravity: sleep…

Popular: other than that…

Defying Gravity: lie in bed with my eyes closed..

Popular: ur such a downer…

Defying Gravity: ur such an upper…

Popular: if u aren't going to entertain me than at least help me fall asleep!

Defying Gravity: no…

Popular: PLEASE! OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE!

Defying Gravity: try counting Sheep…

Popular: what do the Sheep look like?

Defying Gravity: I don't know…

Popular: can they be pink with purple polka dots?

Defying Gravity: sure…now let me sleep…

Popular: fine…

***

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Popular has logged on*

Defying Gravity: why weren't u in class this morning?

Popular: I stayed up all night counting stupid pink Sheep and now I can hardly keep my eyes open…

Defying Gravity: drink some coffee…

Popular: I've never had coffee before…

Defying Gravity: well today's a perfect time to start..if ur not in ur nxt class I'm gonna drag you to it…

Popular: fine…ill make a run to the coffee shop…

***

*Popular has logged on*

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Popular: COFFEE IS AMAZING!!!

Defying Gravity: so ur awake…

Popular: im more than awake I have so much energy I think I might explode…

Defying Gravity: uh oh…

Popular: what?

Defying Gravity: have u ever had caffeine before?

Popular: no…why…

Defying Gravity: this isn't going to end well…

Popular: what's wrong? I feel great…so great that I kinda wanna sing at the top of my lungs….

Defying Gravity: case and point…

Popular: LALALALALALALALA!!!

Defying Gravity: plz stop…

Popular: why?

Defying Gravity: cuz its very annoying…

Popular: ooh guess what???

Defying Gravity: I don't really care but..what?

Popular: there was this really cute guy at the coffee shop….i think his name was taylor or something like that…

Defying Gravity: aren't u goin out with fiyero?

Popular: JUST DANCE…GONNA BE OK…JUST DANCE!!!

*Hot Prince has logged on*

Hot Prince: what's up?

Defying Gravity: if u value ur sanity u will log off right now…

Hot Prince: why?

Defying Gravity: Galinda's kinda high on caffeine right now…

*Hot Prince has logged out*

Popular: im dizzy…

Defying Gravity: why r u dizzy??

Popular: cuz I've been spinning around in circles for the better part of this conversation…

Defying Gravity: galinda if u ever have caffeine again I swear to Oz I will tear ur leg off and beat u with it…

**I'd like to apologize for not using any reviewer ideas for the last two chapters but I promise I will in the next one. Please don't stop sending in ideas….I'm really not creative enough to continue this story on my own. Also as a disclaimer this story consists entirely of one shots. There is no storyline contained within the chapters at all. I hope you aren't expecting a climax or anything. I'll keep this story going until I run out of ideas…which hopefully won't happen for a very long time.**

**By the way did anyone catch the 'Taylor the Latte Boy' reference?**

**Please review!**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!**


	8. Nicknames

**Ok here's another shameless plug for my Twilight/Wicked crossover called 'The Emerald Apple'. Since I took a break for finals week it seems most of my readers have lost interest. So please check it out if you've read Twilight. **

**Anyway I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It was inspired by some conversations between my best friend and I (I swear I will get to reader suggestions really soon…it just takes me awhile to plan them out in my head). **

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Popular has logged on*

Popular: elphie we need code names

Defying Gravity: um….why?

Popular: in case we decide to be secret agents or something…

Defying Gravity: why in oz would we be secret agents?

Popular: idk but doesn't it sound like fun?

Defying Gravity: not really..

Popular: come on we've got to make nicknames for ourselves and then codenames for other ppl so they don't know we're talking about them…

Defying Gravity: I already have a nickname… "elphie"

Popular: it has to be a secret one that no one can guess…

Defying Gravity: well wat r ur suggestions?

Popular: I think ur nickname should be captin…

Defying Gravity: first of all it's spelled "captain" and second of all wtf??

Popular: well no one would guess it…

Defying Gravity: well ur nickname should be jarhead….oh wait that'd be way too easy to guess..

Popular: elphie that wasn't very nice…

Defying Gravity: I was kidding…geez…

Popular: I still think captin is a good one 4 u…

Defying Gravity: but it's totally random…can't my nickname be a shortened version of my name like El?

Popular: let me think about that…NO

Defying Gravity: let's skip this and come up with a code name for Fiyero…

Popular: that's gonna be hard…

Defying Gravity: (sarcastically) how about mcdreamy?

Popular: that's a great one!

Defying Gravity: I was kidding…thus the "(sarcastically)"

Popular: oh…

Defying Gravity: I've got to go to class…can we work on this later?

Popular: fine

***

*Popular has logged on*

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Popular: hi captin…

Defying Gravity: why are u texting me during class?! Ur gonna get me in trouble with Dr. Dillamond!

Popular: im bored…

Defying Gravity: maybe u should try paying attention 2 the teacher…

Popular: but then I'd have to actually learn…

Defying Gravity: learning at school…what a concept…

Popular: i have a feeling that ur making fun of me

Defying Gravity: thank u captain (not captin) obvious…defender of the already known…

Popular: why does captain obvious defend the already known?

Defying Gravity: idk…now leave me alone…

Popular: I bet I can make u laugh…

Defying Gravity: I bet u can't…

Popular: how much do u bet?

Defying Gravity: I don't gamble so none that was just a figure of speech...

Popular: I am gonna make u laugh!

Defying Gravity: knock urself out…

Popular: why did the baby cross the road?

Defying Gravity:…

Popular: cuz it was stapled to the chicken…

Defying Gravity: …hysterical…

Popular: this is gonna be hard…

Defying Gravity: can't argue with that

Popular: how do u erase a blonde's memory?

Defying Gravity: dumb blonde jokes aren't funny coming from a blonde…

Popular: blow in her ear…

Defying Gravity: I should try that sometime…and no I'm not laughing

Popular: hey elphie guess wat?

Defying Gravity: *sigh* wat?

Popular: THERE'S A COCKROACH UP UR BUTT!!

Popular: I see u giggling up there in the front row…I win!

Defying Gravity: fine u win...happy?

Popular: yes, immensely…

**I'm not sure if this chapter hit the mark or was an epic failure. Let me know with your reviews!**


	9. Pervy Jokes

**As usual I will begin my author's note with a plug for my **_**Twilight/Wicked crossover 'The Emerald Apple'**_**…it's one of only 7 in that section so no one ever seems to notice it…I'm begging anyone who's read Twilight (even if u thought it was super lame) to check out this fanfic…I promise it's good and its almost finished which means no waiting for updates. Anyway please check it out…**

**Anyway this fic uses an idea from hidden magic (sorry it took me so long to use your idea) and also an idea from ghostly bender...thanks for your ideas and reviews!**

**IMPORTANT: This occurs right after Elphaba and Fiyero run away together...and I know the stuff in this chapter really couldn't have happened in Wicked but it's just for fun so bear with me!**

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Dancing Through Life has logged on*

Defying Gravity: fiyero where r u?

Dancing Through Life: the point of hide and seek is 4 u to figure that out…and no magic

Defying Gravity: darn it…why r we even playing this game?

Dancing Through Life: cuz ur so cute when ur frustrated…

Defying Gravity: am I cute when im furious at u for calling me cute?

Dancing Through Life: no ur hot when ur mad…but point taken…u know glinda liked it when I called her cute…

Defying Gravity: glinda's not here…if she was here she'd be cheerfully beating me to death…

Dancing Through Life: r u jealous that I mentioned glinda?

Defying Gravity: no…

Dancing Through Life: I bet u r…

Defying Gravity: do u want to get on my bad side?

Dancing Through Life: that depends…r u gonna "punish" me again…(suggestive smile)

Defying Gravity: maybe…(suggestive smile)

*Old Goat has logged on*

Old Goat: get a room

Defying Gravity: I thought you couldn't talk…

Old Goat: that doesn't mean I can't type…

Defying Gravity: at times like these I kinda wish u couldn't…

Old Goat: I want to make sure u 2 r being safe…

Dancing Through Life: AWKWARD…

Defying Gravity: I don't know how to say this…BUTT OUT!

Old Goat: I will not be bullied into not discussing this important issue…

*Defying Gravity has blown up Old Goat's computer with long range magic*

*I'm Not Short has logged on*

I'm Not Short: fiyero is it tru that u and glinda broke up?

Dancing Through Life: no I just ran away with elphaba as a vacation..

I'm Not Short: darn it…

Defying Gravity: he was being sarcastic…

I'm Not Short: so glinda needs a shoulder to cry on???

Defying Gravity: I'm sure she'd prefer a shoulder that won't be rusted by her tears…

I'm Not Short: and whose fault is that little miss 'look at me im so wicked…I can ride a broomstick'

Dancing Through Life: must resist the urge to make a pervy joke about 'riding a broomstick'…

Defying Gravity: not funny…

Dancing Through Life: it was very funny and u know it…

Defying Gravity: pervy and funny r not the same thing…

I'm Not Short: well im gonna go find glinda…

Dancing Through Life: don't pop her bubble…lol

Defying Gravity: fiyero!

Dancing Through Life: wat?

Defying Gravity: u know what…

Dancing Through Life: so r u gonna come and find me?

Defying Gravity: or I could send chistery 2 find u…

Dancing Through Life: hey no cheating…

*Popular has logged on*

Dancing Through Life: gotta go…

Defying Gravity: don't leave me…

Popular: yes please leave her!

Dancing Through Life: when the claws come out I leave…

*Dancing Through Life has logged out*

**As I'm sure you can guess the next chapter will be about the catfight…please review and give me ideas…if I run out of ideas I can't write this story anymore…**

**hopefully the pervy jokes didn't turn u guys off…if they did let me know and I'll pull the plug on pervy humor…**

**Please review…and read 'The Emerald Apple'**


	10. Catfight 2

**I just thought everyone should know that this catfight takes place **_**right**_** after Elphaba and Fiyero run away together so Nessa hasn't died yet…therefore it is not the actual 'Catfight' scene from the musical (that was funny enough as it was…I wouldn't dare mess with it)…if anyone's interested I just finished my Twilight/Wicked crossover 'The Emerald Apple' so if u want to check it out…**

**Also I am using another idea from ghostly bender (I hope you don't mind that I didn't use your actual idea but rather your bit about the 'fluffy pink death wish')**

**So yeah enjoy (wow I can't believe there are already 10 chapters and almost 70 reviews)!**

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Popular has logged on*

Popular: how could you steal fiyero from me? wat did I ever do 2 u???

Defying Gravity: I didn't steal him he came with me!!!!

Popular: clearly u were in cahoots before he left…

Defying Gravity: no we weren't…I was just as confused as u were!

Popular: u were totally expecting it!

Defying Gravity: yeah that's why I said "what?" in a confused voice when he said he was coming with me!

Popular: do u have a pink fluffy death wish?!!

Defying Gravity: well at least I'll go down in style…

Popular: r u making fun of me???

Defying Gravity: no…

Popular: and why would u want to go down in style??? I mean look at what u wear…black is so last century!!

Defying Gravity: im a fugitive not a runway model…plus green doesn't really go with anything but black…

Popular: hey u changed the subject…we're supposed to be arguing about fifi!

Defying Gravity: u know he hated that nickname!

Popular: idc

Defying Gravity: don't u mean idk?

Popular: no I mean idc as in I DON'T FRIGGIN CARE!

Defying Gravity: wouldn't that be idfc?

Popular: since when r u an acronym nazi!?

Defying Gravity: since I felt like it!!!

Popular: im gonna murder u!!

Defying Gravity: wat r u gonna do? stick me in a bubble until I suffocate? Or maybe stab me to death with high heels?

Popular: well wat r u gonna do? stick me in a field of poppies until I sleep myself to death??

Defying Gravity: no…where'd u get that idea?

Popular: never mind….

*Defying Gravity has rubbed horse poop in Popular's virtual hair*

Popular: oh no u didn't…!

Defying Gravity: oh yes I did!

Popular: don't make me snap my fingers in a z formation…hip rotation…

Defying Gravity: really glinda?

Popular: elbow elbow wrist wrist face it girl u just got dissed..

Defying Gravity: I couldn't care less if I got dissed…rite now im more concerned with the fact that the whole world hates me!

Popular: well clearly fiyero doesn't…

Defying Gravity: hey is there a gps in ur phone?

Popular: no why?

Defying Gravity: darn it…I was gonna give chistery a laxative and send him in ur direction!

Popular: !! U R SUCH A SICKO!!

*Dancing Through Life has logged on*

Dancing Through Life: r u guys finished catfighting…

Defying Gravity: wat do u think fiyero?

Dancing Through Life: gosh girls take so long to settle their problems…why can't u just punch each other a few times and be done with it…

Popular: the punching part sounds like a good idea…

Defying Gravity: yero look wat u did…

Popular: yero? So ur ok with yero but not with fifi?

Dancing Through Life: fifi sounds like a fluffy little dog's name…

**Sorry that one was kinda random…tell me whether u liked it or not…I can never tell if what I write is funny or really really lame….**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!**


	11. Chivalry

**Sorry it's been so long but I'm trying to start this again…this chapter may not be that great though…it will get better as I get back into the hang of things…thanks to all who begged me to come back…I started reading through my old chapters of 'Texting Through Life' and actually laughed at my own comic genius (which is really sad)…**

**Ok I had this idea that maybe you guys could give me ideas of characters from other stories that could make appearances in this story…just a thought…I'm still open to pure Wicked suggestions too…sorry it has taken me awhile to update but I just couldn't come up with any ideas…**

**IMPORTANT: this occurs right after Elphaba finds out Nessa is dead but before the actual Catfight scene**

*Dancing Through Life has logged on*

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Defying Gravity: Nessa's dead!

Dancing Through Life: what? How did that happen?

Defying Gravity: some small town hick dropped a house on her…

Dancing Through Life: was this girl a hunk or was the house really small?

Defying Gravity: neither…a cyclone lifted the house…

Dancing Through Life: so the girl can control the weather?

Defying Gravity: no…she just happened to be inside the house…

Dancing Through Life: so it's not really her fault at all…

Defying Gravity: I suppose not…

Dancing Through Life: that's oddly coincidental that the house just happened to land on Nessa…

Defying Gravity: it wasn't a coincidence…someone had it in for my sister…

Dancing Through Life: maybe the Unnamed God smited her becuz she was evil or something…

Defying Gravity: 'smited' is not a word…and I highly doubt the unnamed god smited my sister…she was his biggest fan…

Dancing Through Life: u just used smited in a sentence…haha…

Defying Gravity: I am not in the mood to be laughed at!

Dancing Through Life: sorry…

*Wonderful has logged on*

Wonderful: my condolences about ur sister…

Defying Gravity: I think u should log off…now

Dancing Though Life: where r u oh wonderful wizard?…i've got a bone to pick with u…

Defying Gravity: it's cute of u to defend me yero but I can fight my own battles

Dancing Through Life: im a prince…chivalry is in my blood…now log off…there r some things I will not say in the presence of a lady…

Wonderful: maybe I should just leave…

Defying Gravity: no…u should stay here…and yero; wat lady?

Dancing Through Life: im talkin about u

Defying Gravity: im not a lady yero…u don't need to protect me from naughty language…

Dancing Through Life: in the vinkus we learn words that would burn ur ears…

Defying Gravity: oh yeah? well #$#%$ that you ****(you really don't want to read this bit)****

….

(shocked silence)

….

Dancing Through Life: that was hot…

Defying Gravity: thank u

Wonderful: kids these days…

Defying Gravity: im not a kid ur wizardship…and u've got a lot of nerve speaking to me after u killed my sister…

Dancing Through Life: yeah…wait he killed ur sister?

Defying Gravity: no his puppet Morrible did…she's a wiz with weather magic…

Wonderful: actually im more of morrible's puppet…i wanted to apologize…

Defying Gravity: well im not going to accept it…

Dancing Through Life: how'd u become morrible's puppet? (suggestive look)

Defying Gravity: EWWWW!!!!!!! thanks yero now i'll never get that image out of my mind..i would define that as mental rape…

Wonderful: mr. Tiggular u r utterly upsurd…

Dancing Through Life: is it?

Wonderful: yes it is…

**Ok I know that definitely wasn't the best (or funniest) chapter I've ever written but I'm rusty and I'm trying…I need more funny ideas!**

**Also it would be great to get suggestions of characters from other well known books, movies or TV shows to add in with the Wicked characters **


	12. I Text Dead People

**IMPORTANT: my best friend has just come to fan fiction and the two of us are co-authoring a 'Hunger Games' fan fic called 'Nobody in the Mist'…it's her first time letting the world read her writing so it would mean a lot to me if you guys could go check it out (and review…please!)…it's published under her named 'Tinted Windows'**

**IMPORANT: this is right after 'No Good Deed' when Elphaba thinks Fiyero is dead…**

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Popular has logged on*

Popular: elphie im so sorry!

Defying Gravity: go away…everyone i care about is dead!

Popular: hey…don't u care about me!?

Defying Gravity: you just arranged to have my sister killed!

Popular: but ur my best friend….and i didn't mean to get Nessa killed…be reasonable

Defying Gravity: im too peeved to be reasonable

Popular: that tends to happen a lot…

Defying Gravity: wat's that supposed to mean?

Popular: nothing…

Defying Gravity: good

Popular: wat's _that_ supposed to mean?

Defying Gravity: wat do you think it means?

Popular: i think it means 'im really angry and bitter right now so i can't admit that i feel bad for stealing my best friend's fiancée when all she did was support and love me and give me great makeovers and help me out when i got myself into bad situations'

Defying Gravity: r u high?

Popular: no i am not high…

Defying Gravity: did u inhale one of those perfumes u love so much?

Popular: elphie!

*Jeweled Shoes has logged on*

Popular: isn't that Nessa's username?

Defying Gravity: Nessa…r u alive?

Jeweled Shoes: wat's going on?

Defying Gravity: Glinda dropped a house on ur head….

Popular: I did not!

Jeweled Shoes: wtf?

Defying Gravity: watch ur language Nessa…

Jeweled Shoes: who's Nessa?

Popular: u…the wicked witch of the east…

Defying Gravity: she wasn't wicked!

Popular: whatever…

Jeweled Shoes: oh…I just picked up this phone…it was lying in the middle of a cornfield…

Defying Gravity: go die in a hole…

Popular: ppl r always saying that….that hole must be awfully crowded by now…

Defying Gravity: that sounds like the punch line of a blonde joke…

Jeweled Shoes: who r u two anyway…

Defying Gravity: im the wicked witch of the west…

Jeweled Shoes: no really…who r u?

Popular: she's not lying…

Jeweled Shoes: oh ****….i'll just be leaving..

Defying Gravity: that's what I thought….

**Sorry I didn't include any non-wicked characters but I will eventually…**

**Again please, please, please, please, please review 'Into the Mist' a Hunger Games fic my Tinted Windows…it would mean the world to me!**


	13. Prank

**I know it's been awhile since I've written a Shiz-era 'Texting Through Life' one-shot…sorry if this annoys you**

**This fan fic is inspired by something that happened to me a few weeks ago…my best friend's older sister got onto her facebook account and pretended to be her and chat with me…hilarity ensued and I started baiting and eventually figured it out…the situation was too full of potential not to be applied to Oz**

**IMPORTANT: this could really occur at any Shiz-era time but I'm placing it between Popular and I'm Not That Girl**

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

*Popular has logged on*

Defying Gravity: wat's up?

Popular: im shopping

Defying Gravity: ooh shocker

Popular: actually I just got a new sorcery book

Defying Gravity: cool…might I get a chance to look at it later?

Popular: wat's in it for me?

Defying Gravity: hmm…let me think of a good bribe

Defying Gravity: ill let u do my hair 2morow

Popular: and u will kiss me

Defying Gravity: ?????

Popular: u read that correctly

Defying Gravity: care 2 elaborate?

Popular: kiss me, in public…shock factor

Defying Gravity: why?

Popular: cuz im hot stuff

Defying Gravity: I wish u could see the very confused (and somewhat repulsed) look on my face

Popular: I can imagine it…so wat's the verdict?

Defying Gravity: ….lips or cheek?

Popular: wat do u think?

Defying Gravity: idk

Popular: ok u don't have to kiss me but u've gotta say u did

Defying Gravity: again I must ask; why?

Popular: shock. factor.

Defying Gravity: im not a fan of the shock factor

Popular: I want a new reputation…im tired of being 'the cute one'

Defying Gravity: so u want to be 'the one who likes women'?

Popular: no…I want to be 'the one who likes to get her crunk on'

Defying Gravity: ?

Popular: so who r u gonna tell first?

Defying Gravity: no one…I don't want to read the book _that_ much *shudder*

Popular: don't be a baby

Defying Gravity: im not being a baby…I don't understand where this idea came from

Popular: crunk=awesome

Defying Gravity: who r u and wat have u done with Galinda?

*Popular has logged off*

*Dancing Through Life has logged on*

Dancing Through Life: GOTCHA!

Defying Gravity: that was u on Galinda's phone?

Dancing Through Life: yep

Defying Gravity: I HATE U…but I knew something was up halfway through

Dancing Through Life: suuure…

Defying Gravity: wat did u expect to get from the whole 'kiss me' thing?

Dancing Through Life: a reaction and a chink in ur composure…check and check

Defying Gravity: u'd better watch out princy pie…ill get u back for this

Dancing Through Life: ill keep an eye out artichoke

Defying Gravity: im not above using love potions to bring about embarrassing results

Dancing Through Life: and who would u be using these love potions on?

Defying Gravity: u and boq

Dancing Through Life: U WOULDN'T DARE

*Defying Gravity has cackled in a very evil sounding way*

*Defying Gravity has logged off*


	14. Dodo

**I know it's been forever but I just haven't had any good ideas for this story…luckily other people have; the idea for this chapter came from x Froggy Ferny Cabbage x…thanks so much!**

**IMPORTANT: this occurs between 'March of the Witch Hunters' and 'For Good' while Elphaba is keeping Dorothy locked away in her basement…**

*Little Miss Innocent has logged on*

*Defying Gravity has logged on*

Little Miss Innocent: please let me out

Defying Gravity: you're texting me now? I already said you can come out when you get those shoes off your feet!

Little Miss Innocent: but Glinda told me not to give you these shoes

Defying Gravity: why?

Little Miss Innocent: she said they must be very powerful or you wouldn't want them so much

Defying Gravity: I want those shoes for sentimental purposes only…

Little Miss Innocent: please let me go *pouts*

Defying Gravity: no

Little Miss Innocent: *sobs* you're a wicked old hag to hold a poor little girl hostage *sobs more*

Defying Gravity: do you really think calling me an old hag is gonna make me more inclined to let you out?...and why does everyone assume I'm old and ugly?

Little Miss Innocent: all witches are old and ugly

Defying Gravity: Glinda's a witch…

Little Miss Innocent: well she's a good witch

Defying Gravity: and what makes her a good witch and me a bad witch?

Little Miss Innocent: well you wear black clothes and she wears sparkly, light clothes

Defying Gravity: first of all that's racist and second of all that's a pretty silly thing to judge character off of

Little Miss Innocent: well Glinda does good things

Defying Gravity: like what?

Little Miss Innocent: well she told me that I should go see the Wizard after I landed here

Defying Gravity: she also told you it was ok to steal a dead woman's shoes; honestly were you raised in a barn?

Little Miss Innocent: no I was raised in a one room cabin on farm in the middle of the Kansas prairie

Defying Gravity: oh so you're a hick…that explains so much

Little Miss Innocent: I don't get it

Defying Gravity: case and point

*Popular has logged on*

Little Miss Innocent: who's 'popular'

Defying Gravity: can't you guess?

Popular: it's good to see me isn't it?

Defying Gravity: no..it definitely isn't good…at all

Popular: no need to respond; that was rhetorical

Defying Gravity: wow you spelled rhetorical…do you even know what that means?

Little Miss Innocent: Glinda help me; the wicked witch is holding me captive in her basement

Defying Gravity: didn't I tell you that if you ever wanted to see Uncle Em and Aunt Henry again you need to shut up!

Popular: Elphie let the little girl and her poor dog Dodo go

Little Miss Innocent: it's 'Toto'

Defying Gravity: can it Doro

Popular: I know you don't want to hear this but someone has got to say it…

Defying Gravity: say what?

Popular: your fashion sense is awful; I mean how long have you been wearing that dress? were you raised in a barn?

Defying Gravity: that, dear children, is what we call 'irony'

Popular: I know Nessa's ruby slippers are the one fashionable thing you own but they're just shoes; let it go!

Defying Gravity: I didn't ask for your opinion

Popular: r u really so far gone you'd hold an innocent little girl hostage just to get some old shoes?

Defying Gravity: Innocent! That little girl dropped a house on my sister and came here to kill me!

Little Miss Innocent: I just did it because the Wizard told me to!...and I've been traumatized ever since I got here; you could at least take some pity on me

Defying Gravity: yes I'm sure; munchkins are SO terrifying

Little Miss Innocent: I meant the fact that I was a little girl traveling with three weird dudes…I had to sleep with my hands between my legs! And then you made me pass out in a field of poppies! Were you trying to get me assaulted!

Defying Gravity: I'm pretty certain that you didn't have to worry about the Tin Man and the Scarecrow; they don't have man parts anymore…

Little Miss Innocent: how do YOU know?

Popular: yeah Elphie…how DO you know?

Defying Gravity: hey look the witch hunters are here to kill me…gotta go

*Defying Gravity has logged off*

**Funny or suckish? You decide…reviews (and ideas) are welcome…**

**And yes the '…a little girl traveling with three weird dudes; I had to sleep with my hands between my legs…' bit came from a Mad TV spoof of 'The Wizard of Oz'…**


End file.
